Chapter 11 Panic

Yesterday was really a bust. I did finish the 4th question in chapter 11 exercises but the 5th question challenged me. I do not want to go online and get the answer so I will continue trying to figure it out until I give up. Last night I could not write this entry as I was helping my teenager with some science homework.

Did you ever get that feeling in your gut that tells you that things ahead are scary and that there may be no way out? That little all-knowing, all-consuming adrenaline rush of doom? I got that little pang yesterday when I completely blanked out on what to do with the last problem in chapter 11. My inner voice said that I am not going to be able to master this stuff... ever. What bothered me most is that I had to go back to prior chapters and relearn stuff that the book assumed I knew. It's hard for me. I am not going to lie. Part of me thinks that I am the stupidest person in the world. Another part thinks that these are pains that I am supposed to go through. I think this masks a bigger problem. I think we see the success of the brilliant and think we are supposed to be at that level when of course, they are at that level because they are that way. I wonder why things appear to come easy to some people (them) and harder for others (me). In reality, and I have to keep reminding myself, the hard things are hard for most.

As a elementary school student my teachers said I was bright but lazy. In looking back at my adult life I can't say I am lazy but I can say that I have spent too much time in the same box. Learning Objective-C is my attempt to crawl out of that box. But it is hard. Chapter 11 is hard and I am getting down on myself again. I guess the epiphany is near but I still have to trudge my way to get there.

As I approach the halfway point in the book, I wonder how on Earth I can possibly connect this Objective C to a real-world application. I can't yet connect the dots. I assume the next book I will be reading, iOS 5 Nerd Ranch Guide, will be more telling. In the meantime, I have to finish chapter 11 and start chapter 12 today.